My roommate told me today Were no longer friends after I told him I was upset he didn’t tell me he had found a new roommate to take my room. Then I told him he can’t just push and pull me in and out of his life all the time for no reason like that, and I compared him to an ex girlfriend, and he basically called me a dog she used. Insted my intelligence and made fun of me at the same time. And when I told him that he didn’t even hint at being regretful. He hurt me on three accounts today and wouldn’t listen to my explanations, just continued to defend himself, so I flat out told him I can’t be his friend anymore. Yeah, we’re exes, but clearly were both not over it completely. And I don’t need toxic relationships in my life.
I also have this friend that never seems interested in me or talking to me, unless we are alone together. Clearly she has to go.
I’m ready to make new friends. At least I still have Rachael. And I made like eight new friends at Ferguson, one of which I’m hanging out with tomorrow before the Indy4Ferguson meeting.
I also plan on returning to therapy to learn anger management techniques. I never felt much anger or aggression before testosterone, and sometimes it can get bad, but I mostly hold it in ad am not sure what to do with it. Sometmes I listen to punk, but I can’t tell if that makes it worse or not.
I’m addicted to Orange is the New Black.
Unemployed, returning to school, moving to a new city next week.
Applied for disability, considering backing out though. Need time to evaluate my recovery.
A couple suicidal thoughts this week, but I turned the cheek instantly. I can’t stop crying though.
Been eating very little, mostly due to lack of income and hospital bills that I’m now fully responsible solely for.
Little pot use. No alcohol. No self harm.
I can’t decide if I want a Mohawk or dreads. All well. Dreads are free anyways. Mohawks are if you want a crooked one.
Been keeping current with Ferguson and self education on current issues and historical social justice issues that I wasn’t fully aware of.
And religions in the back burner, but I might explore paganism more.
So that’s a long rant about random things.
in America, black people are being gunned down simply for being alive, gay people can’t get married/can’t get jobs, politicians say women are asking for rape, trans people are being murdered every day, Middle Easterns are suspected to be terrorists, white men are defended for shooting up schools, teenage boys are building bombs to murder family and schoolmates and yet people still have the audacity to say this is the land of the free
a cop just threatened to shoot the livestream operator in the face please continue to boost the stream links all over so that these journalists life and death efforts reach as many people as possible
this happens at 1:04:15 in the stream.